Bullying is not new; it’s been around for as long as most folks can remember.  What is somewhat new however, is what appears to be an emerging trend with which victims of bullying find solutions to their ordeals through suicide and/or murder. Scholarly psychology papers claim that victims of bullying are more likely to demonstrate aggression and in recent years, studies suggest that teenage shooters have been victims of bullying. (http://www.sozialpsychologie.uni-frankfurt.de/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Leary-et-al.-2003.pdf.)

Many schools have some sort of anti-bullying program, but how effective have they been in reducing the incidence of bullying, empowering victims, and changing the behavior of bullies? According to a recent study by criminologist Seokjin Jeong, at University of Texas at Arlington, these programs have not only not been helpful but some anti-bullying programs actually make the problem worse because they teach bullies new and more effective ways to hurt victims! (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57606812/are-anti-bullying-efforts-making-it-worse/)

More and more experts in the field are saying we have been misinformed about the nature of bullies and what to do about them and that at least a dozen myths and misconceptions still abound. Rachel Simmons, cofounder of the Girls Leadership Institute and author of Odd Girl Out,  explains that bullies generally do not possess low self-esteem as was originally thought but instead are confident, powerful, popular, and adept at terrorizing others.  She states,  “Bullies are talented chameleons. The most psychologically aggressive kids are usually the ones who cop angelic poses when adults walk into the room (Eddie Haskell, anyone?). These kids possess high social intelligence. The same skills that enable them to hurt their peers are precisely what allow them to manipulate adults.” (http://mag.newsweek.com/2010/10/14/the-nine-most-common-myths-about-bullying.)

So, if traditional anti-bullying programs are not helping and we have misunderstood the true nature of bullies–then what is the solution?

In my book, Empathy Warriors, I describe how I was tormented and excluded as a teenager and the resulting isolation and depression I endured because of it.  I was, in fact, alone with no support from family, teachers, or friends.  Because of my own personal experience being victimized, I believe that what schools need is a profound shift in the emotional, social climate of the entire school environment from Pre-K all the way through 12th grade.  Inclusive of every breathing human being in the school environment, empathy must preside over all relationships and behaviors. Social and emotional learning must be taught systematically from Pre-K to Grade12 students, teachers, parents, administrators and all staff on campus.  This school wide shift into empathy can only occur successfully when everyone is on board with a policy that honors authentic emotions, respects multiple perspectives, and practices empathy in all situations, at all times, with everyone.

Social and emotional intelligence can be taught and learned; it’s the right choice for all schools today.

A myriad things that we are barely aware of can trigger us and a darkened veil can suddenly descend over our joyful spirit; we feel the shift into darkness yet we don’t know what caused it.  It is in these moments of feeling the transition toward the negative that we must act to protect ourselves from allowing a dark mood to control us.

The moment our mood begins to shift, we must remind ourselves that we have the power, choice, and ability to remove the veil and step back into the light.

Breathe; it sounds so simple yet we resist it.  It takes less than ten seconds to complete one focused, deep-belly breath; why talk ourselves out of doing it?  Even just one mindful inhalation and exhalation will begin the shift back to peace and calm.

Breathe; you deserve ten seconds of peace.   Breathe again; you deserve another ten seconds!  Between each breath, say to yourself, “I deserve peace; I deserve calm.”

As you breathe mindfully, every cell of your body is rejuvenating and the cells that benefit the fastest are your brains cells controlling your moods.

Your brain prefers joy, peace, and calm so breathe–and give your brain what it desires most.

Related articles

• How sleep clears the brain of toxins (telegraph.co.uk)
• Hit the snooze: A good night’s sleep clears built-up gunk from brain, study suggests (globalnews.ca)
• Thankful Thursday – Every Breath of Life (rblackhurst.com)
• Breathe deeply to stay healthy and feel alert (sarahjosephacup.wordpress.com)
• Keep Calm and Breath, how to practice deep breathing exercises (jewelshealthylife.wordpress.com)

For generations, schools worldwide have distinguished themselves by their students’ academic achievements.  As emphasis on high test scores preponderates, attention to the social and emotional development and well being of learners tends to get marginalized. The result of this phenomenon?  Worldwide, we are currently experiencing the highest incidence of teenage depression on record and teenage suicide is becoming alarmingly more common as a solution to bullying and other social issues!  As young people in every country spend more time on electronic social media, their opportunities to look directly into the eyes of their peers are shrinking and their social skills are plummeting.  Put simply; young people lack the emotional intelligence skills to identify and manage their emotions productively. Schools are failing to successfully provide the urgently needed social/emotional learning programs students require to flourish on all levels: academic, social, emotional, physical, and spiritual.

It’s not just our youth who suffer, but parents and teachers as well.  Our species tends to be living longer–but not necessarily happier or more productively.

The good news, and it’s very good news, is that everyone, regardless of age or gender, has the capacity to fully develop their emotional intelligence and become happier, more confident, more productive, and more in charge of their lives simply by experiencing a systematic social and emotional learning program!